Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The Color Purple

I've been seriously working the color prompts.  Like Blue, and Red, which I've posted here.  But I'm at a complete stop now as I tried to write "Purple".

I stared at the white page.  I wrote, "It was the color of....".  Then I got no further.  I closed my eyes and focused on that color, what that color meant, what does purple mean to me.  But all I could picture were the purple-red bruises on my son's face.  That's it.  I could go no further.  I could think of nothing else to use for that color.  I could not get past that imagery.

I'm sure that a therapist (or my ex's new WIFE) would comment that that's an indication that I can't let go of the past in this case.  Yes, no shit, duh, I know that.  I know that because the painful truth is that there are days when I look in the mirror and I see my own face  covered in the bruises that once marred his beautiful face.  I'll stare, shake my head, look again and it'll still be there.  Sometimes, it doesn't stop until I turn my head away and cry.  I believe that this is because I feel like the only one who remembers, truly, the trauma that was inflicted that day.  Perhaps it's because I was the only one living the day-to-day nightmare of it.  Everyone around him appears to have forgiven her, or at least accepted her.  That's their choice and their call.  But I can't do either one, and I never will.  Perhaps I'm holding a grudge because I'm Irish and "over dramatic" and a bitch and that's all there is to it.

Whatever the answer, "Purple" may never be written.

5 comments:

  1. You don't have to accept it or her. That is your right my dear!! I don't think I could forgive her either or forget

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    1. Thanks, punkin. I appreciate your support and friendship, as always. God bless you.

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  2. I will never forget, never accept, and never move on. Ever. I love my nephews and you.

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    1. It's such a relief to know I'm not alone in that. Thank you, BoBeary, we love you.

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  3. I don't think you should be expected to forgive her and move on! What she did is unforgivable in my, probably biased and sympathetic, opinion. You're a momma lion! People don't hurt your cubs and get away without consequences!
    I wish I had known you then to help defend your little guy from her unforgivable actions. I barely know anything about him but what I do know shows me he's an amazing kiddo!
    Love this post though! 💓

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